A List for Monique

Things Monique Needs to Know Now That She is Fifty


1.Don't show this to Donna.

2.Talking to yourself has always been normal; now answering yourself is.

3.You will never, ever be carded again.

4.It is fine to use a man's nose hair trimmer.

5.You have to start having dinner at 5:00. It's the law.

6.In a pinch, you can use your breasts in place of a swiffer mop.

7.You can never, ever wear a halter top again. (see #6)

8.Swearing is more fun than ever.

9.Think you didn't give a shit before? Now, you won't give a shit x 50.

10.The monthly meeting really is in Paris. See you on the 5th.