On my daily run this morning (OK, more of a walk than a run but I do run a bit) I spent a lot of time with my eyes riveted on the ground, dodging road hazards. Loose gravel, tiny potholes, kamikaze chipmunks, a pre-autumn slippery leaf or two. This cautionary approach to my morning routine prevented me from true appreciation of the brilliant sky and the puffy clouds. I didn't realize this until I was back in my own driveway and it totally bummed me out. I like being outside rather than inside on the treadmill because of the fresh air and the diversity of the scenery; now, I felt like I was missing out.
A month ago, while walking on a city sidewalk with eyes focused straight ahead, I tripped on uneven pavement and went flying through the air. I hit the ground squarely on my knees and the palms of my hands, all 4 areas badly skinned as if I were 5 years old again. It hurt; I bled and cried. That's why I run with my eyes on the ground now. I am actually afraid of falling. What am I, 80 years old?
Then something unbidden flashed through my mind. You must have seen them in the mall: Usually white-haired, always in pairs or trios, they walk. Bright white orthopedic sneakers and track suits. They circle the interior of the mall relentless until they reach their desired distance. I used to chuckle to myself at the silliness of it. Now they have me thinking. You don't need to worry about tripping on anything but your own two feet. The weather is always perfect. The people watching would be fun. Running would probably be frowned upon but you could get a good walking speed going. At the end of your 5 miles or whatever you can go to Starbucks or Nordstrom's or both.
I'm worried about myself. But god forbid should I break a hip.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Things I Have Noticed Now That Jenny Has Moved Out
1. She really is the only person in this household who understands me.
2. The liquor cabinet is mine, all mine, again.
3, It's not as much fun watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians without her.
4. No one gets my Gilmore Girls' references. “Oy, with the poodles already.”
5. No one gets my Sex and the City references. “You get a day, not a week.”
6. The coffee supply lasts a lot longer.
7. There's no one to give me an honest opinion about my shoe choice.
8. The smoke haze in her car (now Connor's) is slowly dissipating.
9. There's no one to make fun of the songs on my ipod. Oh, wait. . .
10. Who's gonna side with me on the AC/No AC and heat/no heat arguments with Pops, as she calls him?
2. The liquor cabinet is mine, all mine, again.
3, It's not as much fun watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians without her.
4. No one gets my Gilmore Girls' references. “Oy, with the poodles already.”
5. No one gets my Sex and the City references. “You get a day, not a week.”
6. The coffee supply lasts a lot longer.
7. There's no one to give me an honest opinion about my shoe choice.
8. The smoke haze in her car (now Connor's) is slowly dissipating.
9. There's no one to make fun of the songs on my ipod. Oh, wait. . .
10. Who's gonna side with me on the AC/No AC and heat/no heat arguments with Pops, as she calls him?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Mary Kate
I met Mary Kate when she was part of the welcoming committee at Voyagers' orientation for our first Fall semester. While not completely new to homeschooling, I was new at this homeschooling coop and a bit tentative. Mary Kate didn't waste any time. She plunked herself down in the chair next to me, the omnipresent reporter's notebook in hand: you know, those long, thin, lined ones. After the usual introductions, the recruitment began. “How old is your child? You have a boy? Excellent. Is he interested in Shakespeare?” she asked. I had no idea if he was interested in Shakespeare but her enthusiasm almost made me hope he was before I really knew what she was talking about.
It turns out that he did perform in Voyagers Shakespeare Company; Mary Kate was a producer. Those notebooks of hers contained every last detail of each production from rehearsal schedules to costuming to publicity to ticket sales. Once, when the notebook went missing, we all dropped what we were doing and scoured the premises searching for it. I found it on a windowsill just behind a flap of curtain. She shrieked in delight; she was saved!
We attended Voyagers on different days so our only real connection was through Shakespeare. Until The Diagnoses. When I learned Mary Kate had melanoma, I joined our mutual friends with feelings of shock and sadness. I had a few private conversations with her, mostly of a practical nature, concerning how her treatment would impact her involvement at the coop. We didn't touch on how her diagnosis was affecting her family, or her personally, at all. Until my diagnosis.
We were in the Voyagers office when I told her, and the bond was instantaneous. I was new to this cancer thing and didn't realize at that time how this disease unites those afflicted. Mary Kate grabbed my hands in hers and we let the tears flow, something neither of us allowed often. Although our cancers were different, both diagnoses were late stage, and dire. From that point on, outside of her close circle of friends, mine was one of the few calls she would take. We let each other prattle on, didn't ask too many questions, appreciated the importance of just listening. My youngest kid had recently celebrated a birthday; I told her how I worried I would not see another. Her only daughter, 6 or so at the time, had been dreaming aloud about her future wedding; Mary Kate had to leave the room so her sadness wasn't revealed.
I was lucky. My treatment plan was straight forward and went smoothly. Mary Kate was not so lucky. Regular treatments didn't work; she must have been enrolled in every clinical trial available. When they found a tumor in her brain, I accompanied her to the brain oncologist; her husband was unavoidably out of town and she wanted someone non-emotional who would ask tough questions and take good notes. I was honored. When she returned from yet another trial, this time at the National Cancer Institute, I picked her up at the airport and watched her doze off in the passenger seat on the way home. “I just have to hang in there until the technology catches up,” she said. “I know it's stupid, but I'm pissed that I'm losing my hair.” She had great hair, long and thick and red. She had every right to be pissed.
Today, a day after Mary Kate passed away, I can't get her out of my mind. I hope I never completely do.
It turns out that he did perform in Voyagers Shakespeare Company; Mary Kate was a producer. Those notebooks of hers contained every last detail of each production from rehearsal schedules to costuming to publicity to ticket sales. Once, when the notebook went missing, we all dropped what we were doing and scoured the premises searching for it. I found it on a windowsill just behind a flap of curtain. She shrieked in delight; she was saved!
We attended Voyagers on different days so our only real connection was through Shakespeare. Until The Diagnoses. When I learned Mary Kate had melanoma, I joined our mutual friends with feelings of shock and sadness. I had a few private conversations with her, mostly of a practical nature, concerning how her treatment would impact her involvement at the coop. We didn't touch on how her diagnosis was affecting her family, or her personally, at all. Until my diagnosis.
We were in the Voyagers office when I told her, and the bond was instantaneous. I was new to this cancer thing and didn't realize at that time how this disease unites those afflicted. Mary Kate grabbed my hands in hers and we let the tears flow, something neither of us allowed often. Although our cancers were different, both diagnoses were late stage, and dire. From that point on, outside of her close circle of friends, mine was one of the few calls she would take. We let each other prattle on, didn't ask too many questions, appreciated the importance of just listening. My youngest kid had recently celebrated a birthday; I told her how I worried I would not see another. Her only daughter, 6 or so at the time, had been dreaming aloud about her future wedding; Mary Kate had to leave the room so her sadness wasn't revealed.
I was lucky. My treatment plan was straight forward and went smoothly. Mary Kate was not so lucky. Regular treatments didn't work; she must have been enrolled in every clinical trial available. When they found a tumor in her brain, I accompanied her to the brain oncologist; her husband was unavoidably out of town and she wanted someone non-emotional who would ask tough questions and take good notes. I was honored. When she returned from yet another trial, this time at the National Cancer Institute, I picked her up at the airport and watched her doze off in the passenger seat on the way home. “I just have to hang in there until the technology catches up,” she said. “I know it's stupid, but I'm pissed that I'm losing my hair.” She had great hair, long and thick and red. She had every right to be pissed.
Today, a day after Mary Kate passed away, I can't get her out of my mind. I hope I never completely do.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
All You Need is Love. Really.
Cirque du Soleil has never interested me. Never. It's never been on my radar screen. Never. And the few glimpses I had on TV coupled with reviews from friends convinced me that this was a show I could skip. While a fan of the soleil, I am not a fan of the cirque. I know, I know. It's not really a “circus.” My skepticism, and a full list of the performing arts that I found compelling and was willing to shell out the bucks to see, prevailed. And then. . .
A couple of years ago while in Las Vegas, my husband tried to convince me to attend Cirque's “LOVE,” based on the music of The Beatles. In response, I attempted to stand my ground. “Are there French Canadian clowns? Are there mimes?” I asked. “Are they going to infuse the Beatles stuff with creepy Cirque music?” He told me he had no idea and then, in an act of uncharacteristic decisiveness brought about by his love of the Beatles, bought the tickets.
I LOVED it. The plot loosely tracks the Beatles' biography from the London Blitz in the 1940's through the group's formation, rocket ship ascension to stardom, and breakup. Fictional characters from the Beatles' lyrics bring the show to life: Lady Madonna and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds were two of my favorites. “Drive My Car” features a vintage VW Beetle stuffed with floppy-haired young men. “Blackbird” is danced by a bevy of beautiful and graceful ballerinas. There is a bit more dance than acrobatics and an even mixture of comedy and tragedy, all of which seem perfectly matched to each tune. I was high-fived by a performer on his way off-stage. I chatted it up with an usher while leaving. “Wasn't it great to take a stroll down Penny Lane?” he asked. “All you need is love,” I answered.
On the way out of the theater, I was surprised to overhear a few comments regarding the authenticity of the piece. No live music. (The Beatles' music had been remixed by George Martin for this performance.) Not enough acrobatics; what was with all that ballet? Not in the usual tradition of Cirque, some said. I didn't pay much attention at that time; I had nothing to compare it to. As soon as we arrived home, I ordered the LOVE soundtrack.
So, I thought, maybe I was wrong about the Cirque. Fast forward to present day. A few weeks ago, my younger son and I were in Quebec City, home of Cirque du Soleil. We were traveling with 2 other families, all of whom are Cirque fans and when one of the other parents suggested we purchase tickets to the Cirque du Soleil performance in town during our stay, I said sure.
The distinctive yellow and white tents were set up down near the industrial docks of the St. Lawrence River; we could see them from several vantage points throughout the city. Halfway through our stay in this beautiful city on the evening of the performance, the ten of us trekked down Quebec City's hills and stone steps to attend Totem.
The semi-circular seating in the audience surrounded a turtle shell shaped stage. I was seated in the second to last seat near the stage on the right, behind a huge pole holding wires and clamps and acrobatic paraphernalia. As the evening crawled on, I thanked the fake stars in the fake sky above for my obstructed view.
The lights dimmed, and voila! There is a succession of performers dressed as: frogs, Native Americans, alien beings, fishermen, mad scientists, archeologists, monkeys, and surfer dudes. The characters who creep around, like the frogs and aliens, are accompanied by that creepy Cirque du Soleil music. Two of the Native American characters, in roller skates, spin around on a small trampoline. For kicks, there is a slimy Italian gigolo as the clown character, I guess. He isn't funny. And what's this? Four Asian girls balance stacks of plates while on unicycles.
Yeah, I kind of get it. Kind of: Totem. Evolution and Legend. Science and Custom. The meshing of various views of the universe. And I even appreciate the athleticism and the grace required of these performers. I really do. But, c'mon..
The music is annoying in that whiny way that I had always associated with Cirque. The different scenes have no connection to each other. First there are frogs, then there are surfer dudes? Really? What's with all the Eastern European guys balancing on the sticks? Aliens in unitards? I kept pulling out my cell phone to check the time.
As we were trooping out at the end, I caught the eye of my son who had a seat at the other end of our row. He rolled his eyes back and shook his head. We were in the minority so we kept quiet (for us); as we stood waiting for others in our group to fetch souvenirs, he grinned. “At least I only fell asleep once.”
Lesson learned. No more Cirque du Soleil for us, unless it involves The Beatles.
A couple of years ago while in Las Vegas, my husband tried to convince me to attend Cirque's “LOVE,” based on the music of The Beatles. In response, I attempted to stand my ground. “Are there French Canadian clowns? Are there mimes?” I asked. “Are they going to infuse the Beatles stuff with creepy Cirque music?” He told me he had no idea and then, in an act of uncharacteristic decisiveness brought about by his love of the Beatles, bought the tickets.
I LOVED it. The plot loosely tracks the Beatles' biography from the London Blitz in the 1940's through the group's formation, rocket ship ascension to stardom, and breakup. Fictional characters from the Beatles' lyrics bring the show to life: Lady Madonna and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds were two of my favorites. “Drive My Car” features a vintage VW Beetle stuffed with floppy-haired young men. “Blackbird” is danced by a bevy of beautiful and graceful ballerinas. There is a bit more dance than acrobatics and an even mixture of comedy and tragedy, all of which seem perfectly matched to each tune. I was high-fived by a performer on his way off-stage. I chatted it up with an usher while leaving. “Wasn't it great to take a stroll down Penny Lane?” he asked. “All you need is love,” I answered.
On the way out of the theater, I was surprised to overhear a few comments regarding the authenticity of the piece. No live music. (The Beatles' music had been remixed by George Martin for this performance.) Not enough acrobatics; what was with all that ballet? Not in the usual tradition of Cirque, some said. I didn't pay much attention at that time; I had nothing to compare it to. As soon as we arrived home, I ordered the LOVE soundtrack.
So, I thought, maybe I was wrong about the Cirque. Fast forward to present day. A few weeks ago, my younger son and I were in Quebec City, home of Cirque du Soleil. We were traveling with 2 other families, all of whom are Cirque fans and when one of the other parents suggested we purchase tickets to the Cirque du Soleil performance in town during our stay, I said sure.
The semi-circular seating in the audience surrounded a turtle shell shaped stage. I was seated in the second to last seat near the stage on the right, behind a huge pole holding wires and clamps and acrobatic paraphernalia. As the evening crawled on, I thanked the fake stars in the fake sky above for my obstructed view.
The lights dimmed, and voila! There is a succession of performers dressed as: frogs, Native Americans, alien beings, fishermen, mad scientists, archeologists, monkeys, and surfer dudes. The characters who creep around, like the frogs and aliens, are accompanied by that creepy Cirque du Soleil music. Two of the Native American characters, in roller skates, spin around on a small trampoline. For kicks, there is a slimy Italian gigolo as the clown character, I guess. He isn't funny. And what's this? Four Asian girls balance stacks of plates while on unicycles.
Yeah, I kind of get it. Kind of: Totem. Evolution and Legend. Science and Custom. The meshing of various views of the universe. And I even appreciate the athleticism and the grace required of these performers. I really do. But, c'mon..
The music is annoying in that whiny way that I had always associated with Cirque. The different scenes have no connection to each other. First there are frogs, then there are surfer dudes? Really? What's with all the Eastern European guys balancing on the sticks? Aliens in unitards? I kept pulling out my cell phone to check the time.
As we were trooping out at the end, I caught the eye of my son who had a seat at the other end of our row. He rolled his eyes back and shook his head. We were in the minority so we kept quiet (for us); as we stood waiting for others in our group to fetch souvenirs, he grinned. “At least I only fell asleep once.”
Lesson learned. No more Cirque du Soleil for us, unless it involves The Beatles.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Lovers: A Novel
I have to admit that the author's name is what drew me to the novel: Vendela Vita. If she were a character in a story or movie, I would think that the author was trying too hard. As I was contemplating reading The Lovers: A Novel, I found out that she was married to Dave Eggers and co-wrote the screenplay for Away We Go. That settled it: I downloaded it to my Kindle and started reading.
Widowed in her early fifties, Yvonne travels back to Turkey where she and her husband spent their honeymoon 23 years ago. She is going there, she claims, not to relive that time but to remember it. During her stay, she is haunted by memories she was not anticipating: the difficult times caused by their troubled daughter, and the growing distance between her and her husband, Peter. She finds herself way out of her comfort zone, both physically and emotionally. The Turkish cast of characters, from the house owner's estranged wife to the shell-collecting 10 year old boy, add authenticity and depth to the story.
Vida nicely weaves present day events with those in Yvonne's memory. She details bigger-picture conflicts, such as East vs. West as well as the everyday challenges involving men and women, and parents and children.
Read it. You can do it in a day.
Widowed in her early fifties, Yvonne travels back to Turkey where she and her husband spent their honeymoon 23 years ago. She is going there, she claims, not to relive that time but to remember it. During her stay, she is haunted by memories she was not anticipating: the difficult times caused by their troubled daughter, and the growing distance between her and her husband, Peter. She finds herself way out of her comfort zone, both physically and emotionally. The Turkish cast of characters, from the house owner's estranged wife to the shell-collecting 10 year old boy, add authenticity and depth to the story.
Vida nicely weaves present day events with those in Yvonne's memory. She details bigger-picture conflicts, such as East vs. West as well as the everyday challenges involving men and women, and parents and children.
Read it. You can do it in a day.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Move over Kathy
A guest columnist for the Sunday NY Times labeled himself a "writer/comedian." Can you just call yourself a comedian, or do you actually have to perform on a stage? I call myself a writer; doing so makes me write more. If I call myself a comedian, will I get funnier? Writer/comedian is kinda perfect. I'm stealing it.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Who Knew?
When I pulled my youngest child out of public school near the end of third grade to homeschool, I had some doubts but I was pretty sure it was the right thing to do. We were all miserable and frustrated, parents, child, and teachers alike and homeschooling seemed like the best solution.
Wow, everyone said. This is going to be a huge time and energy commitment on your part. I know, I told them. I got a bit swept up in what a wonderful martyr I was. Anything for the kid.
The truth was it was easier to help him follow his interests and be excited about learning again than it was dealing with the bureaucracy and narrow-mindedness of our public school system. Instead of focusing on what he had difficulties with, we focused on his strengths and passions. He read voraciously (considered a “problem” in school because “All he wants to do is read”). We joined support groups, went on field trips, and became active in our local 80+ family homeschooling coop. That funny, bright, wise-ass personality that we knew before he entered school was reemerging. He made many many new friends. And, much to my surprise, so did I.
I went into this homeschooling thing as a rescue mission. I will sacrifice all my personal interests and time, I thought, because that's what one does as a parent: if your child needs something, you provide it. I was ready to do what it took, and then resume my own life at a future date. Boy, was I wrong.
When we first started going on group field trips, picnics, and gym days I was undeniably aloof. I was here for my kid, I already had plenty of friends, I would like to use this opportunity to read, thank you very much. And, to the credit of the adults around me, I was left alone. Then a funny thing happened. Overheard conversations sounded really interesting. These parents aren't just talking about their kids (although that certainly happened too) but politics and travel and friendships and food. Hmmm.
As more time passed and we spent more hours at the coop, I put my book down more often. I found that I enjoyed the conversation and the camaraderie. Before I knew it, more than a few relationships extended beyond the bond of homeschooling, and true friendships developed outside the realm of what we were doing with our kids. Book groups, martini tastings, trips to San Francisco, snowshoeing, bike riding, coffee drinking. When I received a serious medical diagnosis a few years ago, these new friends rushed to help out in any way they could, making sure the kid got where he needed to go so I didn't have to worry about that, at least. One made me a beaded “Fuck Cancer” bracelet, which showed how much she understands me. On the last day of chemotherapy, I arrived in the hospital parking lot to find that my car had been decorated with with balloons, humor and good wishes. My tears lasted the whole way home.
Most recently, I am part of a writers group which consists of 3 other women whom I first knew through some avenue of homeschooling; this group has been a major source of creative and emotional support over the past year. We meet, we laugh, we eat, we go to the movies, and sometimes we even write. When you share your writing, you share everything. You trust with the truth. These girls have become my go-to safety net and Ultimate Truth Tellers.
What I did 8 years ago for my kid was what he needed and deserved.
What I did 8 years ago for my kid was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Who knew?
Wow, everyone said. This is going to be a huge time and energy commitment on your part. I know, I told them. I got a bit swept up in what a wonderful martyr I was. Anything for the kid.
The truth was it was easier to help him follow his interests and be excited about learning again than it was dealing with the bureaucracy and narrow-mindedness of our public school system. Instead of focusing on what he had difficulties with, we focused on his strengths and passions. He read voraciously (considered a “problem” in school because “All he wants to do is read”). We joined support groups, went on field trips, and became active in our local 80+ family homeschooling coop. That funny, bright, wise-ass personality that we knew before he entered school was reemerging. He made many many new friends. And, much to my surprise, so did I.
I went into this homeschooling thing as a rescue mission. I will sacrifice all my personal interests and time, I thought, because that's what one does as a parent: if your child needs something, you provide it. I was ready to do what it took, and then resume my own life at a future date. Boy, was I wrong.
When we first started going on group field trips, picnics, and gym days I was undeniably aloof. I was here for my kid, I already had plenty of friends, I would like to use this opportunity to read, thank you very much. And, to the credit of the adults around me, I was left alone. Then a funny thing happened. Overheard conversations sounded really interesting. These parents aren't just talking about their kids (although that certainly happened too) but politics and travel and friendships and food. Hmmm.
As more time passed and we spent more hours at the coop, I put my book down more often. I found that I enjoyed the conversation and the camaraderie. Before I knew it, more than a few relationships extended beyond the bond of homeschooling, and true friendships developed outside the realm of what we were doing with our kids. Book groups, martini tastings, trips to San Francisco, snowshoeing, bike riding, coffee drinking. When I received a serious medical diagnosis a few years ago, these new friends rushed to help out in any way they could, making sure the kid got where he needed to go so I didn't have to worry about that, at least. One made me a beaded “Fuck Cancer” bracelet, which showed how much she understands me. On the last day of chemotherapy, I arrived in the hospital parking lot to find that my car had been decorated with with balloons, humor and good wishes. My tears lasted the whole way home.
Most recently, I am part of a writers group which consists of 3 other women whom I first knew through some avenue of homeschooling; this group has been a major source of creative and emotional support over the past year. We meet, we laugh, we eat, we go to the movies, and sometimes we even write. When you share your writing, you share everything. You trust with the truth. These girls have become my go-to safety net and Ultimate Truth Tellers.
What I did 8 years ago for my kid was what he needed and deserved.
What I did 8 years ago for my kid was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Who knew?
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